Those aren't your tears

I start this off by saying, God is Good all the time and All the time God is good. Today was an awakening for me, because I realized I'm not crying over someone that I spent maybe a month of hours with over the course of 6 months. I'm crying for all the tears I never shed. I'm crying because my mother was in prison for most of my childhood. I'm crying because my father was a crack addict that abandoned me at 15. I'm crying because I've lost two marriages/two families. Yet as I look back over my life I realized that I had never shed a tear for these tragedies. I cut off emotionally, and I moved on mentally. But I realize now that, the pain didn't heal, I just buried it away far from where I would ever be able to feel it. And now on something as trivial as a fling ending, the tears have begun to shed. Not because I was so in love with this man I barely knew. But because the cistern is finally full and the tears are overflowing. They are cleansing, so I will let them flow, despite the redness and puffiness that comes with them. I will let them flow, so I can heal the wounds of my past knowing that when they are dried, I will have weathered this storm and not just hid myself away from it until it passed. I will be the me that I dreamed of being when I prayed that 2009 would be a transformational year. What I'm most excited about is that when I have cried all the tears, I will be full of hope again. Ready to embark on this thing we call life.