The nights get hard sometimes

The boys are gone and I'm left alone with my thoughts. Its true what they say, it is a loss and you must grieve. But why does it have to hurt so much. I wish you would come to the door and tell me you can't live without me. But I know in my heart that that moment will likely not occur. All I wanted was to love you and simply for you to love me in return. Despite my knowledge of your emotional unavailability hiding under the guise of a lackluster relationship in which you refer to her as friend after more than a year. You say she is the reason, but I know she isn't. I know you are hiding because you are afraid to risk being involved at a level that could eventually cause you pain. Right now, in the midst of the pain, I can't say that I blame you for wanting to avoid it. But I'm not a punk. I won't give up on the possibility of love. It will be a hard road back, but I will weather the terrain. I feel stupid for wishing you would want me, but its the reality of my existence today. Soon I won't feel that way, but that is not today. I got so low today, that I called. But you didn't answer and I remembered why I ended it. That is the feeling that I want to forget and never encounter again. The feeling that I know I would continue to feel if I held on for the good moments. And there were good moments. I knew I would love you from the moment you kissed me. How could that be empty to you? How can you fake that? You should be an actor. But I guess you were and I was the sole audience member watching the show. Your performance was believable to me. I would nominate you for an Oscar. Because I believed that I couldn't be this far in with someone that didn't feel equally for me. But I was wrong. I was the fool. Or as you say a 'Sucker for Love'. in my mind, I can't fathom that you don't miss me. Or that you don't crave my affection. Was it that simple to write off. If so, give me a lesson so I can be over you too.

I'm holding my tears back, but they are brimming out. Maybe if I let them flow, they will wash away the pain. I better let them flow. I need the release.