This needs to be the last time

Everytime I decide that it is over, I go through this sadness and feelings of loss. I need to be over this. I hate feeling like this. And I am fully aware that I'm doing this to myself. And it seems so elementary, but inside myself it is so complicated. I need this to be the last time, because I'm wasting my life longing for something that only I want. You wouldn't know it from the emotional rollercoaster that I'm continually on, but I'm actually not this person. I don't get emotionally attached to people and if I do, i can usually cut it off so easily. What has happened to me and why do I want to stay connected to this person, this drama, this hurt. My dealings with this lead me to this truth, as much as I've grown, I'm still broken. Mending yes, but not yet 100% restored. Because surely, it should be easy to let a situation go that causes more pain the pleasure. Especially, since there is no physical contact anymore. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I'm honest above all else, and I know I will answer when he calls. And I will let him in if he comes by. I'm only succeeding in taking the pain in small doses. I so wish I never met him, but I did. Now What????????