Try try again

I had written something else and it was erased. Guess that means it wasn't meant to be posted. Or perhaps it was too carefully written which compromised the authenticity of the content. Perhaps in my knowledge that others would be reading it, I filtered it beyond it's worth and rendered it ineffectual. Not exactly sure what happened. But I will let it ride and go no holds barred this time.

I'm tired of being by myself. It's cold and I want to be held and kept warm. I want someone else to check my oil and make sure my battery is strong enough to withstand this cold spell. I want someone to hug me and tell me everything will be okay. I need a male role model for my sons because I can't show them how to BE a man. I need someone to be a help mate to, because that is what I was created to do and without operating in that role I do feel like a piece of me is missing. I haven't become desperate yet, but at what point does that happen? Or am I at the crossroad that turns you into a bitter bitch? It seems so unfair. I did what I was supposed to do. I focused on myself inside and out. I am maintaining a household and raising my children. I have a relationship with God that probably rivals most. And I know how to cater to my man in everyway possible. Yet there is no viable candidate and I will spend another night rolling into a cold spot in the king sized bed.

I keep on a happy face and stay in a mindset of gratitude. But today got to me. I needed to get it off my chest so I could start fresh tomorrow. I shed a few tears today to release the pain on the inside. I'm telling myself everything is going to be okay and hoping my words are true. I'll close my eyes soon and try try again to remember that this too shall pass.