Them Papers

Today I received the final divorce decree in the mail. Pretty standard
legalese and such. Definitely no surprises. And trust, I don't have
any doubt that I made the utterly correct decision HANDS DOWN. Yet, as
I read the words 'this marriage contract...set aside and dissolved
fully...as if no contract had ever been entered into', I think I feel
the stain of failure spilled across those typewritten pages. The very
feeling I was trying to avoid as I weathered the storm of a bad
marriage. I can't lie and say it's a good feeling. But I can say that
it's not quite as I had previously envisioned. It doesn't have the
sting of the slaps to my face, nor the stifle of being awakened from
sleep by hands clutching my throat. It doesn't hold the shame of being
wrongfully accused of carrying another man's seed. In fact, I'm not
even being trampled by what I thought would be a myriad of judgmental
looks and disapproving comments. In a nutshell it's far less damaging
than inhaling the fumes of toxicity that had engulfed me beyond
recognition. I'm grateful that I came out with my life and my sanity,
because I recognize that many are not so lucky. I thank God that I
didn't have to stay for financial reasons (having a deadbeat husband
apparently has one perk, LOL!). I am forever thankful to the
MusicAddikt that helped me discover I deserved better. The Lord
aligned many stars to light my path and lead me out. He is SOOOO
merciful and good!

Don't get me wrong, the cold bed is the effin' pits and being a single
parent is at times a monsterous task. But I'm exactly where I should
be at this very moment. I'm a better me than I have ever been before.
I loved being married and sharing life with someone, unfortunately it
was the wrong one. I just believe my selection process was severely
flawed and it took being in a horrible situation to force me to
examine why. I still believe in the institution of marriage and I will
probably walk the aisle again if the right opportunity presents it's
self. But today I was more than ready for 'Them Papers' and everything
they stand for.