I Love You More

When you said those words, although they stung, they did not surprise. Your actions have said as much for the last few months. I was lulled into a false sense of being mistaken by how you acted recently, but you got me right together the moment you let the words come across your tongue. 'I love her more than I love you'. It even hurts to read them. But I'm so glad you said it. Because it makes me feel like a complete idiot for loving you more than I have ever loved anyone else. Which in turn ensures that I will not initiate contact with you again. For a moment, as I mull over your voice saying those words, it makes me question my beauty, my intelligence, my kind heart, my purpose in life. Yet I soon realize this isn't warranted. I can't say that lessens the pain at all. Right now, I'm still at the point where water wells up in my eyes whenever I think about it. But pride keeps me from sending any foolish text or voice mail that would tell you of my pain. Don't get me wrong, if you asked I would tell you. Hell, if you asked I would probably still screw you. But lucky for me, you won't. You won't call to find out how many tears have been shed or any such folly. Which only goes to reinforce just how true those words are for you.

Of course in retrospect, I say I would never have let myself get involved with you had I known. But woulda, coulda and shoulda always have 20/20 vision in the aftermath. None of that will change where I am now - In love with someone that isn't in love with me. I hate this destination, and try to stay as far away from it as humanly possible. But you picked me up and dropped me off without even telling me where we were going. I want to hate you. In fact, I want to be non-chalant and indifferent to you. But since I really love you, that is extremely difficult. I want to plead my case and explain what a catch I am, but my pride won't let me go that route (Thank the Lord for that). I keep hoping that the way I feel for you is just a fluke and I will be over it in just a few more days. And perhaps I will. For now, Raheem DeVaughn plays in the background reminding me where my heart is as he sings 'Guess Who Love You More.....'