That feeling in the pit

Right now I have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Perhaps
it is from the soup that you made, but I suspect not. I think I hold
in my gut a bowl full of uncertainty about you and I. My friends say
unanimously that I should let it go. And clearly I could begin to see
other people even if we continue whatever it is that we have going.
But I would only be going through the motions pretending at best that
I have the slightest interest in being with someone else. In the words
of Oprah, what I know for sure is that I love you unconditionally
beyond all space and time. I would wait for you whole heartedly and
have no issue with it. I wonder if you are trying to push me away out
of fear that you don't deserve a love so pure and true. I also think
your self esteem has told you that I'm too good for you. But know that
you are me and I you, so there is no distinction between the two at
the core of who we are. I want to try to convince you to give it the
old college try. I hate to admit it, but I want to beg you too.
Ashamedly, I must admit that the thought of getting pregnant has
crossed my mind just so we could have some connection always. Luckily
my love for you would never allow me to betray you in that way. I am
trying so hard to be detached from the outcome of you and I. But
unfortunately, I breathe you, so it is difficult to imagine an
existence without you and I together. Love should be easier than this.
It should roll in gently and maintain it's position consistently with
lilttle or no rocking of the boat. So they say. And who exactly is
'they'. I have long since relinquished my pride but I hold that back
from you. Not because I think you would misuse the information, but
because I think it would be a burden to you. I say it inside so many
times in a day, but I LOVE you sooooooooo much. It consumes me to the
point that I question who I am at times. Yet I can't let go. I don't
want the world view of this situation. I only want what is in the
spirit for us. I only want to release the feeling in the pit of my
stomach.