Funny you ask, why am I giving you trouble? I'm thinking why does this have to be so complicated. Why can't I just love you and you love me back.

Truthfully, the moment is all that's guaranteed - Janita

I'm refocusing my priorities, because the summer of fun is about to come to and end.

Its a shame that you went from 'The' dude yesterday to just 'A' dude today. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Today I realized I have not done anyone any favors by letting them get away with substandard. This is a new day. When you know better, you do better!

It is done.....

I have said this before, but something is different today. I think it has to do with the realization of what I am asking for. The old me would be perfectly fine with convincing someone that I am the right choice for him despite the fact that he has done nothing to earn me. I'm over that. I have screwed him for the last time and I will talk to him on my terms. No more door mat. If he wanted or even deserved me, he would step his game up. I vowed after BD2 that I would never chase again and I mean that. Maybe I will spend some lonely nights, but I'm doing that now for the most part. And at least I won't feel stupid later. I am good for cutting someone off and that *ish has happened as of today. I will drop by in a stunner outfit on Friday or Saturday to drop off the CD, but I will not accept anymore invitations to your house. I will always love you, because I don't think that ever goes away. But I will no longer act upon it.

Deuces,
G.

Why is it when I go a few days without talking to you or seeing you, I feel sick. But it seems to have no effect on you????

Now I pose this question to myself...Why do you want what you can't have? Shouldn't rejection and alienation be a deterent? What's really going on?

Now the crazy lady wants to know if you're alone. In the scheme of things it shouldn't matter. But it does.

Its the third day of my self-imposed hiatus from you. Not 1 oz of how I feel is waning. I don't really want it to, but I need it to. Being 'Grown' is hard!

They say the best distraction is someone else. Yet I'm in the company of another with the cute boy on the brain. Got to be more careful!

If you only knew how you have me sprung. No one would believe it, if I told them myself. I almost feel guilty for not letting you in on the secret.

And I really do feel sad that you're dealing with so much that you can't rest at night. I'm praying for you.

I want to call you or text you and tell you that I know its Friday and you're busy, but I hope you're having a good day and I'm sorry you didn't sleep well.

That good foolishness

Why is it that my phone is ringing off the hook with calls from undesirables, but the one person that I want to call me is on depressed mode. Why isn't it clear to him that being in my presence is like being in the warmth of the sunlight with a cool lemon-aid. Why turn your back on the good that is right there for you? Oh well, I won't beg you. Keep in mind there is always someone trying to take your spot. Step your game up, Homie!!!!!

Is it wrong to want to feel loved even when you know the feeling is not real?

Message to the cute boy

Dear cute boy,

It all seems so simple in my mind. I could love you and you could love me and we could have a great life together. But if you know anything about me, it is that I am a thinker. And I have thought about it long and hard and I realize it isn't that simple for you. I feel really sad that you are carrying around this burden of hurt from your ex. What she did was wrong and it isn't fair that the family had to be broken because of it. But it has been almost 3 years and at this point you are giving her your life. Don't let her win. Don't let her actions rob you of what life has to offer you. I'm sure you are about to let me slip away, because you most likely won't come to terms with this before my cutoff point. Nevertheless, I want you to get past this for someone else. Your heart is sooooo good. And I think you are a wonderful man in so many ways that you probably don't even realize. You deserve to be with someone that will appreciate you, but don't forget that you have to reciprocate that as well. I wish you all the best in life and I can't lie I will be hurt when I end our relationship. Mostly because we will have missed out on something that could have been great. Timing is everything and I guess it just wasn't our time. I can only say this in cyberspace and your ears will never hear it....I LOVE YOU! In fact, if I would let myself be free to do it, I could very easily be head over heels in love with you. But I know that you couldn't return that love, so I hold it close to me and act nonchalant about this whole thing. When in reality, you are constantly on my mind and I just wish you could love me. I have even shed a tear or two. I wish you well and my greatest wish for you is that you allow someone to love you. I promise you it will be life changing and it will heal the brokenness in your soul.

Love Always,
G.

Its funny that you think b/c I want to spend my time with you that you're the only option. You just happened to be lucky enough to win the prize. But you won't claim your winnings. Its sad really.

I'm letting go, slowly but surely. And I will always think it could have been great. But only if both wanted it equally.

I'm pretty sure this is a teachable moment. But I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be learning.

Its not enough and it won't ever be. So why am I playing this game? If you know tell me.

I guess he won't ever really notice.

I was always the prize. Now I understand that the prize is earned. The prize doesn't earn the winner.

I'm getting the hang of this loving myself first stuff. Its not as difficult as I thought it would be.