The Real Me/Control Freak

Long time no write. But not for lack of eventfulness. Although a lot has happened, my journey has been pretty stagnant. Suffice it to say, the cute dude is still an issue along with the both BDs. But what I have come to terms with is the sheer complexity of who I am as a person. This realization of who I am and what exactly I require to live my best life is something that is even surprising to me right now. I consider myself to be pretty intelligent and a bit of a planner (those that know me will laugh hilariously at the bit part) and it has taken me roughly 34 years to realize that for all my planning and extensive thought processes, I can only control what I will do. This is unfortunate, because life would be so much better for all involved parties if they would simply follow the plans that I devise. Why must people be soooooo difficult????? Don't start, its a rhetorical question. I guess the real question becomes when will I be able to relax, relate, release. And sadly, I can't even pretend its on the horizon, because I can't even fathom how to begin the process of just letting things occur naturally. I want to be in full control all the time. But I guess people in hell want ice water. Next step - devise a plan to stop planning and overthinking. Hey, I have to take baby steps.