Its Not Fair.....

Its not fair that I woke up in a good mood and someone else comes and drops their drama on me. Which in turn reminds me that I wouldn't even have to deal with this landscaper and his ish, about why its my fault he didn't complete the work when he said, if there was a man of the house. Everything is a constant reminder about my status as a single, single mother, single homeowner, single everything. And today I just wish I could be something besides by myself. A different title that doesn't designate me as a failure because I'm alone. That doesn't leave me to deal with the substantial aftermath that the he that was there before can completely and obliviously walk away from. A place where I am enough and I don't have to continue to make myself better for someone to accept me for who I am as I am willing to do just as he is. Its difficult to maintain a rosy disposition when there is no shoulder to cry on or person to hold you and tell you everything is going to be okay. But I can't be upset or hurt about that, because then I'm bitter. And of course that is exactly why I don't have a man.......I'm just saying, ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!

I didn't ask for much

I didn't mind that we weren't in a committed relationship, I just wanted to know that I was special to you. I didn't ask for all your time, I just needed some love and affection. I didn't ask that you give me what I really deserved, I just wanted to feel secure that you wouldn't intentionally hurt me. I didn't care that you weren't perfect, I just wanted to know you were trying. You didn't have to change to receive my love, I just wanted you to let me know the love was shared. Everything else was negotiable. But it seems I'm the only one willing to compromise, while you only deal in your own absolutes. I'm tired now and I can only let go. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Unconditional Love Always,
G.

Fly, Fly Away.....

I love you. I can't deny that fact. Honestly, I think I love you to the fullest extent that one can love another individual. And while this gives me the wherewithal to stick it out and compromise, it does not make me believe that you are the end all/be all of my life. That being said, I will ask whatever questions I choose and I will be exactly who I am at any given moment. So, if that means that you need to pull back, do just that. But what you will not do is hold the possibility of pulling out over my head as a threat or proposed deterrent to make me respond to your bull ish in a manner that down plays your effed up actions. Don't think for a moment that my love for you has made me desperate. I am fine with letting you go, if it means that I stood my ground to be respected and treated in the same manner with which I treat you. I will not play the position that you have grown accustomed to women playing so they can have a small piece of you. I'm not brainwashed into believing that you are the prize. I know my value, and it is not dictated by you. Therefore Love, do as you wish and if you don't like my behavior, take this advice....'Fly, Fly, Away.....

Love Note to my #1

Dear God,
Sometimes when I think of how much you love me, I feel overwhelmed and
I wonder why you love me. Then I realize it is simply because I am
yours which in turn makes you mine. I cherish my relationship with you
immensely, because without it I realize that I would just be a shell
of who I am. I know that I can never repay you for filling the void
that I had carried for 30+ years. But I plan to show you my
appreciation over the next 30+ years. Everyday I pray that people will
realize that the love we seek in the world is already waiting for us
with You. Words can't express the joy I feel every morning knowing
that you are right there with me. I love you so much that words can't
really articulate the depth of it. It's a good thing that you know my
heart, because I don't have to try to give it words. I look forward to
our continued life together filled with the joy, peace and love that
only you can provide.

All my love,
All my life,
Me

Never been loved.....

You told me that you don't love me, that you have love in your heart for me. I still don't know exactly what that means. What I do know is that despite the dysfunction of our relationship, I did always believe that you loved me unconditionally at the core of who I am. In fact, I thought you were the only one that ever had. I'm not angry that you don't love me. You don't owe me that. I'm just back a square one, because now the one that I thought loved me did not. Apparently, I have never been loved for the person that I am. Surely, I have been loved for what I bring to the table, my attributes are many and this is not surprising. But I am reeling because that kind of love that I thought you had for me, which I still have whole heartedly for you is still aluding me. Now my mind hears the words that he used to say when we were still married. My thoughts linger on whether he was right in saying no one will ever want me but him. Perhaps it is something that I will never experience. I mean, we are in year 35 and still nada. I have been holding back tears for days since I came to the realization that the one that I thought loved me did not. And it was that perception that propelled me into loving myself more. And I still do, so if a skewed perception got me there, I will not discount it. But it still hurts. Not the empty pain that I felt before I loved myself or realized God's love for me. It is more of a yearning for an unknown place that I've never been nor hold directions to. But the loss of your love, I guess its not a loss because I never really had it, begs the question 'Will I ever know what real love feels like'. Can someone ever love me?

Seed to the sower

Early on in life most of us have experienced hurt and we operate from
that point on from a place of reducing the likelihood of it happening
again. So we wait until someone extends themselves to the point that
we feel comfortable in revealing a small part of ourselves in return.
But instead of going all in based on what we feel and what we really
want in the relationship regardless of the outcome. But it is
precisely this love that has abandoned ego to fall in...exactly as the
moment is. This kind of love regenerates itself continually,
transcending time and space in the way that maternal love does. So
while we look to our partners to refill us as we impart our gift of
love it is actually the release of love that generates the refilling.
God promised seed to the sower, so as long as we give, we will receive
in like kind. If you don't feel loved enough, quite simply you're not
loving enough.
Early on in life most of us have experienced hurt and we operate from
that point on from a place of reducing the likelihood of it happening
again. So we wait until someone extends themselves to the point that
we feel comfortable in revealing a small part of ourselves in return.
But instead of going all in based on what we feel and what we really
want in the relationship regardless of the outcome. But it is
precisely this love that has abandoned ego to fall in...exactly as the
moment is. This kind of love regenerates itself continually,
transcending time and space in the way that maternal love does. So
while we look to our partners to refill us as we impart our gift of
love it is actually the release of love that generates the refilling.
God promised seed to the sower, so as long as we give, we will receive
in like kind. If you don't feel loved enough, quite simply you're not
loving enough.

Love Note

Dear CoCo_Savant,

I LOVE YOU!!!! I love you through all space and time. Mine is an unconditional love that can never diminish despite your actions or lack thereof. You are worthy of the greatest things that life has to offer and I will do everything in my power to see you obtain all your heart's desires. Your beauty is one that emanates from within, so as you've grown in spirit by way of love, you become increasingly more physically attractive. In fact you become prettier with each passing day. Your shape embodies all that is craved in a woman and your body holds the promise of pleasure that many will only dream of in this lifetime. Your conversations drip wisdom while being sufficiently peppered with humor and compassion. I love you beyond measure and I will never place another above you save God alone. Yet he dwells so strongly within you that loving you is loving Him simultaneously. Your consistent happiness is my ultimate goal and I will not rest until you dwell continually in the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. Wait no longer for the love you so desperately seek has already arrived and is here for you to partake of. Come, Taste and See....

All My Love,
All My Life,
Coco_Savant